I'm jealous of an 18 year old...

Mike’s youngest sister, Kelsey, is about to embark on one of life’s greatest journeys: College. And yes, I feel the little green jealousy monster rearing her ugly head. I’m not really jealous in a bad way, just envious of all the excitement she has in store over the next four (or is it five?) years. She has so much to look forward to, so many exciting things, so many wonderful surprises… I know I have cool stuff to look forward too… I mean my life isn’t all boring; I know Hayden will blowout a diaper today, but who knows when, see, there is some excitement, especially if it happens in the car on the way someplace, and I didn’t remember to pack an extra outfit… Anywho, I’m green-eyed of all these things Kelsey has to look forward to:

• Leaving home for the first time and realizing you will actually miss your parents.
• Realizing how much your parents are going to miss you and how lucky you are that they will.
• Meeting and getting to know your room mate.
• Getting to know a new town. (She’s going to UC Santa Barbara! Imagine the fun…)
• Missing the town you couldn’t wait to get away from.
• No curfew.
• Meeting many new people, especially hot guys… (now I’m REALLY feeling green)
• The laughter that goes with meeting new people.
• Falling in love.
• First kisses.
• Realizing your old boyfriend wasn’t really “all that.”
• Seeing the sun rise after an all-nighter. (Drinking or studying.)
• Being able to stay up all night for three days in a row.
• Road trips!
• No responsibilities other than getting to class on-time.
• Learning something new everyday you go to class.
• Opportunities to try new things without fear of failure.
• Being exposed to new things you’d never have tried if you hadn’t met new people. (I never had an artichoke or broccoli before I met Mike…)
• Needing money and it magically appears.
• Going mud sliding because you can.
• Having no place to be, but having a thousand places you could go.
• Parties for no reason. (No RSVP’ing, no hors d’ouvres, no yucky wine, no mean-spirited gossiping.)
• Celebrating birthdays, break-ups, hook-ups and getting to class on time.
• Girl’s night!

What Dylan thinks of me

I saw this posted on another Blog and thought it would be really cool to ask Dylan these questions. I hope to do this again next year to see how different her answers will be.

1. Something I always say to you? “Ummm, I love you”
2. What makes me happy? “Me!”
3. What makes me sad? “Hitting”
4. How do I make you laugh? “Tickle.”
5. What was I like as a child? “Go to school”
6. How old am I? “2”
7. How tall am I? “Big to ride the roller coasters.”
8. What is my favorite thing to do? “Feed the dogs” (Which I never do...)
9. What do I do when you are asleep? “Tickle me”
10. What would I be famous for? (What am I REALLY good at?) “Putting my horse on me”
11. What am I not very good at? “playing on my Dad’s computer makes me mad”
12. What do I do for my job? “Push some buttons on the computer.”
13. What is my favorite food? “Watermelon and ice cream.”
14. What makes you proud of me? “dessert” (I think she was still thinking of the last answer…)
15. If I was a cartoon character, who would I be? “a ghost”
16. What do you and I do together? “go to swim lessons.”
17. How are you and I the same? “we work together”
18. How are you and I different? “look like my dad.”
19. How do you know I love you? “Tell me.”
20. How long have Mom & Dad known each other? “2 years”

My newest addiction

This past January, Mike and I had our satellite turned off because we felt that TV had taken over our lives. We ate dinner on TV trays nearly every night and rarely ever had an actual conversation... so bye-bye TV... well, when Hayden came along I felt slightly insane every time I sat to nurse her. She was nursing often I felt like I just sat on the couch for hours on end. I would look at the clock and only three minutes would have passed. I didn’t have this problem with Dylan because I had TV then. I’d plop myself down, turn on the TV, find some crazy decorating show, or Real World re-run, and then Dylan would be done before I knew it.

When I told Mike how crazy I was feeling he suggested I look out the window and watch the birds… Instead I signed up for Netflix.

Low and behold I’ve found “The OC.” Now for all of you who have not watched this show (OK I may be the only person who has never watched this show before…) the main character is from my hometown of Chino.

So I thought the first episode was funny… that was on Wednesday, I’ve now plowed through the first four discs, that’s 16 episodes, I’m addicted. Last night I dreamt about the characters like they were friends.

Mike is sitting in the living room right now reading and I’m going crazy because I know he’ll sneer at me if I ask him if he minds if I turn on the TV. I don’t even want to talk on the phone or play on the computer I’m itching to start the next disc. I want to know what my friends’ from Newport are doing, I miss them.

I've been tagged...

Carrie tagged me for this Meme Challenge. It's my first time....so here goes....

idiosyncracy: structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group. write down five of your idiosyncracies. then, if you wish, tag five people.

1. I have never purposefully passed gas in front of my husband whom I have known for nearly 15 years... (this may explain why I had sooo much gas pain after my first c-section... I was smart and booted him from the room often after having my second!)
2. Putting sunscreen on anyone other than my children totally grosses me out. Please NEVER ask me to put it on your back. I will be so disgusted I won't even be able to say the word no because I will have already envisioned myself doing it.
3. Feet are scary. Well other people's feet are scary, mine are cute. But I don't like them to be touched. I've only had five pedicures in my life because I can't stand to have my little piggies played with.
4. All cans/ bottles in the refridgerator and cabinets must face forward at exactly the same angle.
5. When making long car trips I refuse to stop more than once... during that stop I get gas for the car, food and use the bathroom. I feel REALLY annoyed when I have to stop more than that for restroom breaks. I have actually warned people who make the trek with me between So. Cal. and Nor Cal that I will not stop so they shouldn't drink anything before the trip. The first trip I took with Dylan after she was potty trained was payback for all the years I refused to stop for other people because I had to stop every 30 minutes...

My name is Kathy and I’m a celebrity junkie…

Yes, it’s true; I’m overly fascinated with the lives of celebrities. I have an addiction to my weekly subscription to People magazine and I spend hours online reading about the latest Brad and Angelina sighting.

And now you enter my fantasy…I’m walking along a pristine beach with my dog, Willow, she has a ball in her mouth and is dying to chase it… she just needs someone to throw it for her. I’m tiny and cute with just the right windblown look to my hair. I’m dressed perfectly for an afternoon at the beach enjoying the sand (which I really hate, but for the purposes of this fantasy I like), the sun and every once in a while a dip my toe in the perfect water. Then tada…. Brad Pitt

He can’t stand that my REALLY cute dog wants to play and he cheerfully offers to throw her ball. Then for the next three hours (as if Willow could run for more than three minutes, but this is a fantasy) Brad Pitt throws the ball into the surf while he and I get to know one another… then regretfully he has to go, his personal assistant has just quit to work for someone else and he has interviews set-up for a new one… I offer my number and quickly explain that I’ve been an event planner and could easily handle details of his personal life.

Boom, he offers me the job on the spot. I then explain I’m married with two kids and two more dogs. He asks what my husband does; I say he’s a general contractor, perfect because my husband can have a job, too. Brad’s a budding architect and he has plenty to build. I just have to name my price… oh and he has a second home at his Malibu estate perfect for a family of four. No, he doesn’t mind me bringing my kids to work, hell I can even bring Willow everyday if I’d like. No, I don’t have to travel with him, but I’m welcome to join him when the timing suits me.

And then back to reality, the sound of Hayden’s swing, back and forth, back and forth. Mike walks in and wants to know what I’m doing. I must have blushed because when I tell him I’m writing my blog he smiles and asks if I’m writing about him. I confess that I’m actually writing about Brad Pitt. I could have fibbed but he’ll read this at some point and know the truth.

See, I’m certifiably addicted; I’ve spent hours thinking of similar alternatives to this fantasy. I don’t want to be WITH a celebrity, just near one. Not sure why. The truth is I’d probably spew my lunch on the poor guy if I ever did run into him. I’d never be able to hold a conversation and my hair would NEVER have that perfect windblown look.

Dogs and dirt

Dylan was really quiet last night while Mike and I made dinner. As you probably know, silence is never a good thing. Mike went in search of our child who is never silent... he found her on the side of the house with a very unhappy dog, both were covered in dirt. Poor Willow was just laying there afraid to move. I should preface this with the fact that Dylan loves to play in the dirt and Willow is too dumb to know she can walk away from anything Dylan pulls her into. That being said, I love the fact that Dylan has three playmates at all times. Unfortunately for Willow, she is the favorite because she doesn't know she can say no. Dylan just drags her around and then tells Willow to sit, stay, lay down or whatever. Willow is so sweet she just does as she is told.

Our dogs have gone through some major transitions over the past few months. All three dogs have been indoor dogs since day one, and all three have had beds in our room. In March we had new carpet put in our bedrooms and the dogs suddenly found themselves booted from our room and found their beds in the living room instead. Willow was the only one who had a hard time with this change… she is always at my feet so sleeping in another room nearly sent her over the edge.

Poor Willow was the cause of the next change… the day I had my carpet cleaned in the living room, Willow came bolting in with red clay mud all over her feet, she was just excited to see me, but I was so mad I made the decision right then and there that the dogs needed to stay outside! Again this change was hardest on Willow. I felt terrible because our dogs really are used to being near us all the time.

About a month ago, after the dogs had totally ruined our new lawn in the backyard, (They had about an acre but chose to ruin the little patch of new grass…) Mike put up a fence that cuts our backyard in half. Guess which side the dogs are in? I like the change because I don’t have dog hair floating around all the time and I no longer have to worry about dog poop!

I feel sorry for Hayden because I’m afraid she won’t have the same relationship with the dogs as Dylan does. When I look back at videos of Dylan as an infant there is always a dog in the picture. When she learned to crawl a big incentive was to catch a dog’s tail. All three dogs were like siblings to Dylan and now Hayden has only had minimal contact with them, you know, out of sight, out of mind…

A good day

Today has been a good day... For the first time in two months I was able to jump on the trampoline with Dylan! OK we didn’t really jump, we actually rode racehorses. I was the jockey for Seabiscuit and Dylan was the jockey for Crazy Cornut. We raced in circles for almost an hour. Luckily today’s weather is beautiful so we didn’t get too hot.

Every race started with Dylan directing me… “Stand here, their in the gate and their off!!! Run Mommy, run!” Admittedly, I would not be able to keep up with her if we were not on the trampoline because she is really fast, even with a stick horse between her little legs. The trampoline gives me the edge because I can take longer strides! I like to win, but Dylan just likes to race.

A couple of weeks ago she was racing Seabiscuit and repeated a few lines from the movie… “You son-of-a-bitch, you cut me off, how does that feel…?” Over and over again, up and down the hall she raced and yelled at the other imaginary jockey. Luckily my Mom intervened and suggested she say you son-of-a-gun instead. Mike and I were too far in laughter to actually do anything about it. And here I thought the movie (her favorite) was safe for a child! Haha, joke was on us. She picked up one of only two or three swear words in the whole movie!

The picture I have included today is Dylan riding on her saddle with Seabiscuit, one of her stick horses, stuck under it. She says she wants to be a jockey when she grows up and I believe she just might do it!

Changing the world

Fifteen years ago I thought I would change the world. I went to college, partied my way to a Bachelor degree and came out swinging... I had a great job in San Francisco and thought I was on my way to making a mark. After three years as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), I've had to change my perspective.

After having Dylan, I went back to work for four months, but it was really hard for me. Although I worked from home, the challenge of having a child and working in the same place was not easy to master. I felt like I was doing both jobs poorly. Every conference call was interrupted by a hungry baby and every feeding was interrupted by a business call. I felt guilt all the way around. Every time I was working I was thinking of the time I was missing with Dylan and every time I took time to play with her, I thought of the work piling up on my desk or the zillion emails I had to return. I was never fully present in either endeavor.

I never wanted to be a SAHM, but one of the multitudes of reasons we moved to BFE (other wise known as Shingle Springs) was so I could have a choice if I wanted to. (If we had stayed in the Bay Area, I’d probably still be working full time.)

So deciding to stay home was somewhat of a blow to my ego. What had I gone to college for? Why did I bother working my way up the food chain while employed? For the first couple of months I found myself explaining to people I had just met that although I was JUST a SAHM, I had been someone important with a “Real” job before having a child. I met other women who did the same thing. Conversations went like this…

“Hi, I’m Dylan’s mom. But I used to be an events coordinator. I worked with some really great people like Calvin Klein and Donna Karan. Now I change diapers and cook really shitty dinners… no pun intended.”

For a short time I thought I wouldn’t actually survive the transition, my bruised ego couldn’t handle the story lines I made-up in my own head: Would my parents feel ashamed that they had forked out thousands of dollars for college and I am now JUST a SAHM? Would my husband really expect me to clean my own house? (Something my own mother has never done…) Was I really going to cook every meal?

The truth is, now I realize what my life as a SAHM is all about. It’s simple… maybe my children will change the world, or maybe their children will, not necessarily by doing great things but by being kind people. Simply put, my “job” is to raise people who will contribute to society in a positive way. It doesn’t matter to me how they do it, just as long as they are happy. My family is much happier with me being responsible for the two children we chose to have. Nobody else is raising my kids and I know our values and morals will be instilled in my children simply because they are with me everyday. Sure Dylan is known to say Shit every time she drops something, but that’s OK with me because I know exactly who she learned it from.

And with this epiphany comes the great unburdening of guilt. My made-up story lines never came true. My parents don’t feel disappointed in me for not using my degree everyday; without it, I never would have met Mike and had two wonderful girls. I would not have met so many close friends and I certainly would not have known how to run my husband’s business. I have a housekeeper because God knows I hate trying to clean my house. And Mike rarely complains that we eat the same four things every week or that at least one of those meals typically has something burned…

I haven’t shamed or disappointed anybody with my decision to stay home; instead my “job” is adding two great people to the world!