Friday, October 12, 2007

Our dreams come true, sort of.

Well we finally broke down and leased a horse for Dylan. Unfortunately things just aren’t working out well enough and we aren’t going to keep up the lease.

When I leased the horse, Chiquita, I honestly thought it would be easy. But it’s not. I forgot that Hayden is only 2 and wants to do whatever her big sister is doing. So while Dylan is having fun riding, I’m trying to keep Hayden from screaming and running and throwing things. When I get Chiquita from the pasture I have to yell at Hayden to stay out of the way, move back, stay by the tree, look out! Poor thing. We paid all this money for Dylan and Hayden just has to sit and watch.

We’ve only had the lease for a couple of weeks and I already feel a sense of energy that I haven’t had for years. Just being that close to a horse makes me so happy. The smell, the feel and warmth is awesome. Even though I’m not riding I’m still getting the needed fix. But hearing Hayden cry and scream takes it away. I’m pulled two different directions. I want Dylan to have a horse, I want to have a horse, but as long as I have to take Hayden along it just doesn’t work.

So we are not going to re-lease Chiquita. At least not while Dylan still needs help catching her, saddling and bridling her. Once Dylan is old enough to do this herself, she can have a horse of her own. This means I won’t be getting my thrice weekly horse fix. And I feel so sad about this decision. Because I know my renewed sense of energy will go away until I can be near a horse again.

I feel like an adult making a tough adult decision. But I know I’m making the right one… for now.