Saturday, May 20, 2006

The proof is in the rose

My roses have started blooming and I feel a bit emotional about this. Every year I look forward to the sun making its return to Shingle Springs. I look forward to the warmth and all the promises of beautiful things. I look forward to watching my roses bloom.

This little emotional roller coaster started last week with the blooming of my first rose of the year. Why would something so simple begin a flood for me? Easy. This one rose is a reminder that another year has come and gone. 2006 is nearly half over and I still haven’t gotten around to starting my New Year’s resolutions. This one rose reminds me that I have wasted time.

Time is precious, more so now that I have children. Now that I realize my parents are getting older. That I am getting older. All the old cliché’s: “Time Flies.”, etc. etc. I feel them. I feel them in my head and in my sore back. I’m older, but do not feel wiser.

If I were wiser I’d spend less time on the phone and more time actually face-to-face with the people I spend so much time on the phone with. Here’s were the emotional mess winds its way back, I live far away from the people I talk to on the phone and seeing them would require me to travel. And then I’d wish I was home.

If I were wiser I’d look at the lesson I just presented to myself and figure out a way to be happy with what I have instead of being unhappy with what I don’t.

If I were wiser I would look at the first rose as a reminder that the past year was filled mostly with health and happiness. It would be a reminder that I still have 7 full months to get to my New Year’s resolutions.

The first rose is the first in hundreds that will bring me great joy as I watch them bloom this summer. Great laughs as I watch my Dad weed and dead-head them, while trying to keep my oldest daughter from under foot. Happiness with each whiff of their great rose scent.

But for today, I’m going to sit and feel emotional about the passing of time. Tomorrow, I will get up and cut some fresh roses to bring the joy inside. Then just maybe I’ll start work on my resolutions…