Lost

Lost can mean so many things. Lost is a feeling, and a place, and where the diamond to my engagement ring now resides. The diamond my husband spent time picking out, the diamond he designed an engagement ring around is now gone, sitting on the ground somewhere, or maybe in a landfill. It could even be rolling around in my car, or be living in my housekeeper’s vacuum. Or maybe it is in the vacuum at the car wash. Maybe it is in a friend’s pool filter, or down the drain in my new bathroom. The key here is that I only know where it isn’t…. on my hand, in my engagement ring!!!!

I feel lost without it. I feel a strong sense of ominous loss. This has nothing to do with the replacement value and all about the emotional value. I can NEVER replace the diamond that my sweet husband chose for me. The diamond that absorbed all the excitement at the moment he asked me to marry him, the diamond that has been there every moment over the past 8 years of my life, and the diamond I made a special bequest of to my oldest daughter in my trust documents is gone.

It’s been two weeks and I still search the driveway, and my car, and the bedspread everyday. And I feel so sad, like I’m grieving and I can’t get over it.